I'm home but I can't sleep here. The luxury of my large apartment is a cross between comfort and overkill. Though I know I don't have to check the bed for spiders and can walk around barefoot without concern of stepping on scorpions, and there is no odor of sewage and I can drink the water right out of the tap, I have my car and my stereo and my space, space, space..... I long to return to the simpler life I was exposed to. In the 36 hours I have been back I have felt so lonely, although I have reunited with several friends and fielded what seems like a hundred phone calls. It is not that I don't feel loved and welcomed by my friends, it is simply that there is a different feel here: the warmth and openness in Guanajuato made me feel as though I were wrapped in a warm blanket, and here I feel isolated somehow.
The brilliant idea of moving back seemed so easy when I was there. The job in Mexico awaits, and I must call my prospective boss today to give my final answer. She says she will help with the work visa and housing, and I knew I wanted it while I was still away - but now, somehow, that little voice whispers in my ear that my life is here in Denver. ARGH! What happened to the freedom and sense of adventure that coursed through my veins while I was down in Mexico!?!? Am I getting scared now that I am back here? Frustrating, because the logic of moving there is quite right; I could be fluent in Spanish in another 4 months, and would do well to live immersed in this culture which I love - as a nurse I will much better serve the Latin and Latin-American population I am drawn to if I do it. What has happened to me? It is as if the American Way has stifled my ideas, for fear of losing what I "have" here. Suddenly ideas like immersion and intercambio and Peace Corps, which were obvious next steps, seem scary; the gamble seems too steep. What has happened?
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
options abound
wow. so I haven't written for over a week, that's how busy I have been, every minute full. Sadly, I write this installment from home in the US, as I returned here last night.
As I reflect upon the last week, it already feels like the reality of it is slipping away and the events and people are becoming a dream. I can't let that happen; I must go back. As I accepted my certificate and gave my speech, I promised I would be back pronto, and the words felt right. But something happened when I stepped off the plane - I remembered and felt comfortable in my life here in Denver... choices, choices....
The last days in Guanajuato made me fall even more in love with the place. Aquaintances have become friends, and Friends have become family. Goodbye was intense, tears and emotions flowing freely. This is what real connection is.
As I reflect upon the last week, it already feels like the reality of it is slipping away and the events and people are becoming a dream. I can't let that happen; I must go back. As I accepted my certificate and gave my speech, I promised I would be back pronto, and the words felt right. But something happened when I stepped off the plane - I remembered and felt comfortable in my life here in Denver... choices, choices....
The last days in Guanajuato made me fall even more in love with the place. Aquaintances have become friends, and Friends have become family. Goodbye was intense, tears and emotions flowing freely. This is what real connection is.
Friday, January 11, 2008
odio los arañas
Those who know me well know i hate spiders. Now even more.
My friend was bitten by a poisonous one last week and it has been quite time watching this thing progress. We went to the doctor 5 days ago and he was prescribed corticosteroids and antiinflammatories, and I gave him his injections as needed, glad I was available and hoping that would be the end of it. No such luck for him, as within only a couple days I knew we were looking at a bad infection. However, he is so stubborn - ¡El Valiente! - he would not return to the doctor again until that thing was causing him unbearable pain and once he agreed to go, it ruptured just prior to our departure and poor guy had to endure my hot compresses and draining it in order to calm it down enough for us to take the 25 minute walk to hospital. Off we went to hospital yesterday, and now he has got a bunch more shots which I will administer each evening for him, in addition to draining the abscess daily and general nursing him as he really is in pain. Poor guy.
What a place Mexico is. When you are given your prescription and if it includes shots, you are not given the injections in the office. You pick it all up at the pharmacy, and you could choose to go to a hospital to have them given, but - a few hundred pesos for someone to give a shot when here I am, an RN, so of course every ill student has come to me. I have not minded, I am glad to give my 2 cents and help out as well, and have been pleased to see my friends go to the doctor when I have suggested. Two folks had respiratory infections, another two with gastritis, and now this spider bite. As a result, I have administered 8 injections of steroids and antibiotics in only the last week, and had another 2 episodes with needles as I worked on lancing an infected mass on a fellow student. Wow, not what I expected to be doing here..... but no complaints.
I feel my spanish getting better though I still struggle with verb tenses. Today in class my maestra corrected me, saying no, use the subjunctive! I drew a blank, and really couldnt come up with the right way to say what I meant. Arrgh. I can keep a conversation, but I need a few more months here to get it. This small town is so enchanting, I never go a day without running into people I know from various places, and always feel at home.
Speaking of, I am finding it harder to consider not staying here. I will come home to wrap up some things and then return. I talked with the headmaster of the language school today. It is either return here or travel elsewhere, as long as I am immersed in this culture which I love. It is probably good to take the time to do this now before really finishing school and having the hard reality of not being a student anymore.
Though it would be weird to leave here in a week (aha! I added a week!) and then return without my guy being here, we leave on the same day. Can one make a best friend in only a month? I think we did. So anyway, it might be better to return to a different city in Mexico at first so I dont feel the emptiness that would be there without my constant companion. Oxaca is sounding pretty good...... Options abound.....
Another student is leaving today, I will miss him. How odd to become so close with people and then they leave your life. Tonight is a goodbye party for him.... So off I go. More later!
My friend was bitten by a poisonous one last week and it has been quite time watching this thing progress. We went to the doctor 5 days ago and he was prescribed corticosteroids and antiinflammatories, and I gave him his injections as needed, glad I was available and hoping that would be the end of it. No such luck for him, as within only a couple days I knew we were looking at a bad infection. However, he is so stubborn - ¡El Valiente! - he would not return to the doctor again until that thing was causing him unbearable pain and once he agreed to go, it ruptured just prior to our departure and poor guy had to endure my hot compresses and draining it in order to calm it down enough for us to take the 25 minute walk to hospital. Off we went to hospital yesterday, and now he has got a bunch more shots which I will administer each evening for him, in addition to draining the abscess daily and general nursing him as he really is in pain. Poor guy.
What a place Mexico is. When you are given your prescription and if it includes shots, you are not given the injections in the office. You pick it all up at the pharmacy, and you could choose to go to a hospital to have them given, but - a few hundred pesos for someone to give a shot when here I am, an RN, so of course every ill student has come to me. I have not minded, I am glad to give my 2 cents and help out as well, and have been pleased to see my friends go to the doctor when I have suggested. Two folks had respiratory infections, another two with gastritis, and now this spider bite. As a result, I have administered 8 injections of steroids and antibiotics in only the last week, and had another 2 episodes with needles as I worked on lancing an infected mass on a fellow student. Wow, not what I expected to be doing here..... but no complaints.
I feel my spanish getting better though I still struggle with verb tenses. Today in class my maestra corrected me, saying no, use the subjunctive! I drew a blank, and really couldnt come up with the right way to say what I meant. Arrgh. I can keep a conversation, but I need a few more months here to get it. This small town is so enchanting, I never go a day without running into people I know from various places, and always feel at home.
Speaking of, I am finding it harder to consider not staying here. I will come home to wrap up some things and then return. I talked with the headmaster of the language school today. It is either return here or travel elsewhere, as long as I am immersed in this culture which I love. It is probably good to take the time to do this now before really finishing school and having the hard reality of not being a student anymore.
Though it would be weird to leave here in a week (aha! I added a week!) and then return without my guy being here, we leave on the same day. Can one make a best friend in only a month? I think we did. So anyway, it might be better to return to a different city in Mexico at first so I dont feel the emptiness that would be there without my constant companion. Oxaca is sounding pretty good...... Options abound.....
Another student is leaving today, I will miss him. How odd to become so close with people and then they leave your life. Tonight is a goodbye party for him.... So off I go. More later!
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
es un nuevo año
As one of my friends here said, it`s a new year... he unfortunately is speaking from a sad place emotionally, hoping this new year brings better times. For myself, this new beginning is quite symbolic, as I am now so excited about life and possibilities ahead, unlike how I felt for much of 2007.
New year`s eve was likely the best I have ever celebrated, for sure. For a decent cover charge which entitled us to appetizers and drinks, a night at Alcatraz was perfect for 10 of us. The spirits were high, and soon I was dancing the night away in my new lime green dress, never better. My favorite thing about new year - kissing everyone - made for a joyful midnight, and how wonderful to feel the happiness as I made this quick physical connection of The Midnight Kiss around with dear friends.
Yesterday was a lazy day, as it should have been, and today a cold front rolled in having us all complaning about the temperature. I keep telling myself it is all relative, but no amount of denial will make wearing sandals ok today. It is a sweater and jacket day.
Today Valentina says she will teach me to make the salsa rojo we eat in the house. It is quite unlike the salsa we eat in Denver. It is so wonderful, rich and smooth, not choppy with vegetables as I am accustomed. But soooo much better. Off to the kitchen now!
New year`s eve was likely the best I have ever celebrated, for sure. For a decent cover charge which entitled us to appetizers and drinks, a night at Alcatraz was perfect for 10 of us. The spirits were high, and soon I was dancing the night away in my new lime green dress, never better. My favorite thing about new year - kissing everyone - made for a joyful midnight, and how wonderful to feel the happiness as I made this quick physical connection of The Midnight Kiss around with dear friends.
Yesterday was a lazy day, as it should have been, and today a cold front rolled in having us all complaning about the temperature. I keep telling myself it is all relative, but no amount of denial will make wearing sandals ok today. It is a sweater and jacket day.
Today Valentina says she will teach me to make the salsa rojo we eat in the house. It is quite unlike the salsa we eat in Denver. It is so wonderful, rich and smooth, not choppy with vegetables as I am accustomed. But soooo much better. Off to the kitchen now!
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