i'm back to blogging...

wow. A full 6 months, no posts. Sorry to all of you who have written and asked where I disappeared to..... Each time you asked me, I promised to write updates, but then I didn't.

I think I sort of HAD to disappear. Weird. I set up this blog to have a place to put down my thoughts, and to invite friends to peek into my world, but somehow I just couldn't get on the ball. Some days I would write my experiences in a Word document, thinking I would paste my thoughts into Blogger, and then I would re-read and feel like this was a journal entry that I couldn't post; not because it was really that private, but more because I was just still processing and wasn't ready to share.

Selfish, I know.

So now, on this extended visit to the US (started as what I thought would be a week in the States because of a family emergency, now nearly a month later I am still here) my life is suddenly so different as I am thrown forcefully back into "reality". "You have to come back to reality", my friends in the US would say. Whose reality? Does this mean the life I live each day is not reality if I am not on US soil? "You seem happier, more relaxed," friends noted upon my return visit. Okaaaay, I think, then is my own reality devalued because I am happy? I wonder as I watch the rat race all my friends say they wish they could walk away from. I don't fault them for wanting what they want, and I will continue to see if what I want is in the place I am looking in as well. There is no shortage of curiosity over my lifestyle in Mexico. As I reunite with the folks in the US, and as I tell stories of life in Guanajuato and field the common question "why didn't you put that in your blog?" I wonder, why didn't I? Somehow I guess I had to have these last 6 months for myself, to get myself solid again. But now I am back on the blogging circuit, and I will fill you in:

I headed back to Mexico in mid May.



The flight attendant knew of my excitement to get back to Mexico, and pointed out the moment we crossed the border.

I felt like I was returning home and was instantly ecstatic as I wandered the town, reminiscing from the winter before, relishing in the uniqueness of my new home. The town is nestled a bowl surrounded by mountains, and the motor traffic travels through tunnels that once routed a river. There is no other place like this.

When I first got to town I shared an apartment in the center of Guanajuato near the University.

The beautiful University of Guanajuato

I had a teeny tiny puppy for about a minute. Really teeny - in this photo she is sleeping in my shoe! A friend found her abandoned outside of Mexico City. After a short while with her, knowing we couldn't keep her, Christina found a nice person to take her in. I miss that cutie!

I was bitten by some sort of particularly bad poisonous spider, sometime in my sleep... and ended up with a nasty abscess. The weird thing is it got me in exactly the same spot my friend Eric was bitten last winter. I got to see the hospital health care system first hand.


My apartment-mate moved in with her boyfriend and I moved from my apartment to a hostel with a lovely rooftop patio and a perfect location in the Centro. I lived there for a month while searching for just the right apartment.

I changed my original plans of spending all summer in Quintana Roo to that of just a week - exploring Cancun area and Tulum -- Tulum is truly magical. I ended up spending wonderful a week there with some friends visiting from the States.

and a week in Oaxaca visiting an old friend.

It was the Galagetza in Oaxaca, which meant there were demonstrations in art forms - the people's way of stating their frustrations with government - but with art, music, dance, crafts.... This made for wonderful shows, but a bit of a sense of danger as well, with people all too aware of the oppression and near police state that still lingered after the small war there in 2006.

I returned to Guanajuato and moved into an upstairs apartment in a very cool house on the side of one of the smaller mountains, close to the center of town, in a quaint neighborhood.

The view from my living room window is amazing.

All this time I continued to attend my language school. It's so pretty and the teachers are so great, it doesn't feel like school at all.

And I continue to work on my internet classes through my University back in the States. Ahhh I found a happy medium!

A little about the life in Guanajuato, for those of you who have been wondering...

Each morning I get up and head outside to turn on the water heater - an hour later I will be able to take a hot shower. (In the summer I didn't bother with this, and just took cold ones). That sentiment surprises my friends in the States who just turn the tap and have hot water, and the comment I always get is "I couldn't deal with that! There's no time to sit around for an hour waiting for hot water!" But it's all about how you value and use time. Instead of thinking of it as waiting, I will use that time to do things I want to do - make some tea and listen to music, and study my verb tenses, or check email, or dance a little in the living room, or read, or take a walk, or sit with the cat who hangs out in my alley, or write a little, or clean, or meditate, or study..... it's ok!

That's is my water heater. It's definitely seen better days, and I just hope it keeps working...

I'll then head to school down the winding cobblestone alleys lined by colorful houses, a downward trek to town and then upward again and out of the Centro.

After a full 6 hours of grammar, conversation, writing, culture classes, and general good fun learning Spanish, I head back towards the Centro and never make it far before running into friends. The town is so small that I don't go ten minutes without finding people to greet and chat with. What I love is that people take the time to stop and share a hug and a kiss in their greeting, and truly care about the answer when they ask how you are.

For those of you living the luxurious life I once took for granted in "gringolandia" (haha sorry), here is a peek into everyday life at my new home. One cannot drink the water, so garaphones of water can be purchased down at the corner store, or by roving water salesmen.

I can't carry that garaphone up the mountain to my house, so I listen for the guys in the morning, opting for the salesmen rather than the corner stores. Very early, starting around 7am you can hear them shouting "AAAGUAAAAAAA CIEEEEEL!!!!!"... I perk up, and wait till I can tell he is on my callejon (alley). Then I open my door and ask him for a water, and he heads back down the callejones towards the Centro and in 15 minutes or so returns with a garaphone of drinking water. This water I will use for cooking and drinking and disinfecting my vegetables, and it will last me about a week.

A good friend ended up with amoebas because she didn't disinfect her fruits and veggies before eating them. I am religious about doing this. I add the raw foods to a bowlful of clean drinking water treated with 20 drops of betadine and let the fruits and veggies sit for about 25 minutes. And this bowl of amazing strawberries was worth the wait! Thanks Megan and Marty! (they found a man selling strawberries in a doorway one day and brought these tasties home).

I mentioned earlier that my boiler is outside and I turn it on when I want hot water (in an hour). The gas tanks are kept outside as well, and I get more gas much the same was as my water. The tanks don't have a gauge on them to tell me when I am running out, so pretty much I figure this out when I go to cook and there is no flame, or go to light the boiler and it won't light. When I am out of gas, the next morning I listen for the gas guys, roaming the callejones and yelling "GAAAAAAAAASSS!!!!" and I pop my head out the door and order myself a tank. Half an hour later, the gas guy comes up with the 4 foot tall tank on his back, hooks it up to the line outside the house, and I have gas again for a few months.

Each day when I return home I check above my head for alacranes (scorpions). One evening I returned home to find 2 hanging out next to the window by the door - this was my first encounter with them in my house.... I panicked and stared at them, unable to move, until I realized I had to kill them. Not thinking about the shoes I was already wearing, I went into the bedroom to find a shoe. When I came back, there was only one. Terror set in. I killed the one, and felt so nervous I decided I had to leave the house. As I went to open the door, the missing alacran fell from the ceiling and grazed my hair on its way down to the floor. Adrenaline pumping, I stomped on it about 15 times, yelling and screaming; I had to laugh at myself at my reaction once I got over the fact that that thing was almost in my hair. So now I check the ceilings too. And my shoes. And the bed. And the aforementioned Megan and Marty took a photo of this guy who was hanging out on their bath towel early one morning... I keep imagining the very real possibility of reaching for the towel after washing one's face, only to have a scorpion sting you in the eye. Ugh. Ok, I exaggerate, but it's still a good idea to shake out your towel before your shower...

All of these "issues" are just the way it is. I love it there. I can't wait to get back. The month I have been here in the States I have been missing my town and my friends in mexico, felt the stress creeping back into my head, been cold (Virginia in November brrrr!), and feel downright pained as I see the wasteful lifestyle that was once normal for me. I now see how easy a life I had here, and though I appreciate it, I appreciate the simple things more when I am in Guanajuato and things are, well, simple.

I think of it Mexico as home now. I know I have made some of the best friends of my life there. I feel more myself there. I feel joyful and beautiful there. I am volunteer nurse to my friends and community, and free spirited life learner for myself, dancing and speaking Spanish, hiking mountains and visiting beaches, immersed in art and music, living to live.

(Photo by Michael Wright. Emily, Chris, Joel and I were a jammin' musical team)

So now, I will relish in my time in the US, because for all my missing Mexico, it is indeed a gift to be here with my sister and her family and to be just down the road from my Dad. Though I admit, in the quiet moments, I am dreaming of my return to Guanajuato :

(photo by Heather Sawyer, taken outside the Sala de Minas on Panoramica one particularly early morning)

I'll get back there soon, hopefully within a month, and I will continue to search for a way to keep living in my dream in my lovely town.

4:35am:I have the greatest friends ever

I know I only pick good people to have in my life. But this was further realized as I called on some of them while I was in a pinch. The greatest people ever. Nice to be reminded that the people in my life are amazing. They insisted on helping me pack, jumped right in and helped me when I suddenly had no movers, took my living room furniture when the buyer canceled, stayed up late to help me deliver boxes and my bed to my storage place, called me in for a late night party to wind down, gave me lots of hugs. Then there's Amy who graciously opened her house to me for my return! (although I dream of not coming back...) Nearly everything is moved out, and I feel more free and ready than ever to go off to find my adventure.

I love all of you, and a huge thank you for what you have done for me as I could not have made this move without you: Alex, Stacey, Adam, Nick, Jen, Amy, Brittany, Christian, Jason, Jake

XOXOXO

I am so lucky to have such great folks in my life.

and of course, I have not forgotten the rest of you lovelies in my circle!

Guanajuato, ya voy!

As I looked through my photos from Guanajuato and chatted with friends still living there, I couldn't fathom skipping a stop there. And the idea of a stop turned into a complete change of plans. But it does seem to make sense, good friends, great teachers, why not go back to the city I fell in love with? With the ticket purchased and the changes made with the language program, I feel great knowing that I head out to central mexico this coming sunday... wow! And that 8 weeks in that magical town will be followed by another 8 near the ocean in Quintana Roo, I really am about to have the best time ever - what a way to learn - in wonderful places!

No time to brush up on the verbs and tenses, I have to pack up the whole apartment and move out in the next couple days... And with the trip counter telling me I will be gone 116 days, this is really feeling right.

los tormentos

I've been told to be careful... that Quintana Roo has suffered from bad storms in past summers, especially last summer. And having heard from friends still in Guanajuato, my heart longs to go there instead. But I must try something new.... We shall see. In order to afford this I am giving up my apartment here in the states, that feels so weird! I wish I could simply leave today....

disbelief

I am beside myself.

So, the request for a leave was denied, I must keep on truckin' in school, but I am SOOOOO tired after 5 years of graduate school, can't I take a break? Apparently not.

So now I am scrambling to get back on track here, where I had put in my notice to vacate my apartment and had dropped classes. And I must get up the courage to let the university in Oaxaca know that I now am not taking the job I tentatively accepted, and who knows if I will make it back to Guanajuato by spring which was my plan.

You better believe I am still trying to find a way to get back there. Even if it means that my online classes are taken from Cafe Tal in Guanajuato.

confusion

I'm home but I can't sleep here. The luxury of my large apartment is a cross between comfort and overkill. Though I know I don't have to check the bed for spiders and can walk around barefoot without concern of stepping on scorpions, and there is no odor of sewage and I can drink the water right out of the tap, I have my car and my stereo and my space, space, space..... I long to return to the simpler life I was exposed to. In the 36 hours I have been back I have felt so lonely, although I have reunited with several friends and fielded what seems like a hundred phone calls. It is not that I don't feel loved and welcomed by my friends, it is simply that there is a different feel here: the warmth and openness in Guanajuato made me feel as though I were wrapped in a warm blanket, and here I feel isolated somehow.

The brilliant idea of moving back seemed so easy when I was there. The job in Mexico awaits, and I must call my prospective boss today to give my final answer. She says she will help with the work visa and housing, and I knew I wanted it while I was still away - but now, somehow, that little voice whispers in my ear that my life is here in Denver. ARGH! What happened to the freedom and sense of adventure that coursed through my veins while I was down in Mexico!?!? Am I getting scared now that I am back here? Frustrating, because the logic of moving there is quite right; I could be fluent in Spanish in another 4 months, and would do well to live immersed in this culture which I love - as a nurse I will much better serve the Latin and Latin-American population I am drawn to if I do it. What has happened to me? It is as if the American Way has stifled my ideas, for fear of losing what I "have" here. Suddenly ideas like immersion and intercambio and Peace Corps, which were obvious next steps, seem scary; the gamble seems too steep. What has happened?

options abound

wow. so I haven't written for over a week, that's how busy I have been, every minute full. Sadly, I write this installment from home in the US, as I returned here last night.

As I reflect upon the last week, it already feels like the reality of it is slipping away and the events and people are becoming a dream. I can't let that happen; I must go back. As I accepted my certificate and gave my speech, I promised I would be back pronto, and the words felt right. But something happened when I stepped off the plane - I remembered and felt comfortable in my life here in Denver... choices, choices....

The last days in Guanajuato made me fall even more in love with the place. Aquaintances have become friends, and Friends have become family. Goodbye was intense, tears and emotions flowing freely. This is what real connection is.

odio los arañas

Those who know me well know i hate spiders. Now even more.

My friend was bitten by a poisonous one last week and it has been quite time watching this thing progress. We went to the doctor 5 days ago and he was prescribed corticosteroids and antiinflammatories, and I gave him his injections as needed, glad I was available and hoping that would be the end of it. No such luck for him, as within only a couple days I knew we were looking at a bad infection. However, he is so stubborn - ¡El Valiente! - he would not return to the doctor again until that thing was causing him unbearable pain and once he agreed to go, it ruptured just prior to our departure and poor guy had to endure my hot compresses and draining it in order to calm it down enough for us to take the 25 minute walk to hospital. Off we went to hospital yesterday, and now he has got a bunch more shots which I will administer each evening for him, in addition to draining the abscess daily and general nursing him as he really is in pain. Poor guy.

What a place Mexico is. When you are given your prescription and if it includes shots, you are not given the injections in the office. You pick it all up at the pharmacy, and you could choose to go to a hospital to have them given, but - a few hundred pesos for someone to give a shot when here I am, an RN, so of course every ill student has come to me. I have not minded, I am glad to give my 2 cents and help out as well, and have been pleased to see my friends go to the doctor when I have suggested. Two folks had respiratory infections, another two with gastritis, and now this spider bite. As a result, I have administered 8 injections of steroids and antibiotics in only the last week, and had another 2 episodes with needles as I worked on lancing an infected mass on a fellow student. Wow, not what I expected to be doing here..... but no complaints.

I feel my spanish getting better though I still struggle with verb tenses. Today in class my maestra corrected me, saying no, use the subjunctive! I drew a blank, and really couldnt come up with the right way to say what I meant. Arrgh. I can keep a conversation, but I need a few more months here to get it. This small town is so enchanting, I never go a day without running into people I know from various places, and always feel at home.

Speaking of, I am finding it harder to consider not staying here. I will come home to wrap up some things and then return. I talked with the headmaster of the language school today. It is either return here or travel elsewhere, as long as I am immersed in this culture which I love. It is probably good to take the time to do this now before really finishing school and having the hard reality of not being a student anymore.

Though it would be weird to leave here in a week (aha! I added a week!) and then return without my guy being here, we leave on the same day. Can one make a best friend in only a month? I think we did. So anyway, it might be better to return to a different city in Mexico at first so I dont feel the emptiness that would be there without my constant companion. Oxaca is sounding pretty good...... Options abound.....

Another student is leaving today, I will miss him. How odd to become so close with people and then they leave your life. Tonight is a goodbye party for him.... So off I go. More later!

es un nuevo año

As one of my friends here said, it`s a new year... he unfortunately is speaking from a sad place emotionally, hoping this new year brings better times. For myself, this new beginning is quite symbolic, as I am now so excited about life and possibilities ahead, unlike how I felt for much of 2007.

New year`s eve was likely the best I have ever celebrated, for sure. For a decent cover charge which entitled us to appetizers and drinks, a night at Alcatraz was perfect for 10 of us. The spirits were high, and soon I was dancing the night away in my new lime green dress, never better. My favorite thing about new year - kissing everyone - made for a joyful midnight, and how wonderful to feel the happiness as I made this quick physical connection of The Midnight Kiss around with dear friends.

Yesterday was a lazy day, as it should have been, and today a cold front rolled in having us all complaning about the temperature. I keep telling myself it is all relative, but no amount of denial will make wearing sandals ok today. It is a sweater and jacket day.

Today Valentina says she will teach me to make the salsa rojo we eat in the house. It is quite unlike the salsa we eat in Denver. It is so wonderful, rich and smooth, not choppy with vegetables as I am accustomed. But soooo much better. Off to the kitchen now!