i wasn't stuck, after all

Finally, the unfinished business of some personal affairs which kept me here in the USA is coming to an end! I keep itching to get back to Mexico to start my summer there, but 'm still making my way through this great country, visiting... and this is also good.

The months I spent in the USA this year have been good for the soul, deepening the friendships I had already while forging new friendships with some amazing people. Denver was good to me. Even after months there, I continued to be amazed at the acceptance and openness that is Colorado. I'm not a freak there (as I seem to be in Virginia) for my tattoos and piercings and free spirit, perhaps because so many of us in Colorado share the same sentiments. At least in Denver, where I hear we are the most heavily tattooed per capita... (good on us)! The other thing that I am still digesting, besides the fact that one can now buy beer on Sundays, is the forward thinking of the state in decriminalizing marijuana. Though I totally agree, even after months I could not get used to seeing billboards such as these:

...so now Denver really is the Mile High city. ha ha, I crack myself up.

While I've talked about wanting to get to traveling, indeed, these last few months have been full of travels nonetheless. Though not the kind I usually long for - worldwide - I've been blessed to have had issues which took me through places I might not have otherwise seen.

In the last few months, not willing to be kept in one place, I've taken any opportunity to do some local travel and appreciate what's right here at home.

I've witnessed the magic of Garden of the Gods in central Colorado, the full moon against a cerulean sky, a peaceful end to a day of watching rock climbers defy gravity

a weekend on Lake Erie on Catawba Island, reuniting with college friends and taking in the serene quiet of lakeside life.

I've enjoyed exploring New York City

and San Francisco

had a drive through the west, marveling at desert scenery of Arizona

and the grandeur of the red rocks and arches of Utah

and the rockies of Colorado

all this, after my east coast autumn with the colors of fall. I remember:

so... how is it that I've been able to convince myself that I've been "stuck" here in the USA, not traveling? I have been traveling! haha. Once a gypsy, always a gypsy. This blog entry helps remind me that I have definitely not been sitting still. And I've sure been blessed to have spent the last half year exploring my own country and loving it.

Now.... I'm ready to cross some borders again, though. Right now my dreams are of a return to Mexico, land of love, tequila, and beauty, and these images are what I see in those dreams:

So, while appreciating that I did indeed continue my vagabond ways right here at home, I am relishing in the idea that in a week or so I'll be back in Mexico. And then I'll see what comes next...

on the move again

"Will you please start up your blog again?" is the question I keep getting from friends. It's not that I stopped the blog, I just didn't have anything really exciting to report. I've been running around enjoying springtime in Denver, stopping to take photos of the tulips and playing with babies, with time off for sunbathing and reunions with old friends. Funny how I perk up when the snow disappears!

Well, I've been officially offered the position of Visiting Professor for the upcoming academic year. I'll be teaching in the Institute of Language Studies and Culture at the University of Khovd in western Mongolia. The Dean has asked me what salary I require and what kind of housing I need, and we're getting started on the Visa process... we'll see how it all works out.

My Lonely Planet book on Mongolia has arrived, along with the Mongolian phrasebook and the "Talk Now!" CDs of Mongolian lessons (I was disappointed to see that Rosetta Stone does not offer Mongolian). I've started the process of my return to Mexico, where a summer full of hot days filled with open air cafes, hikes to the swimming hole, rooftop BBQs, and trips to the beach will help brace me for the cold plains of Mongolia... A dear friend and fellow teacher has asked me to help him start a language school he is opening in Guanajuato this May- I'm gonna have to see how well I can balance helping him manage the school in its starting phase and satisfying my desire to hop on a bus and explore Mexico on a summer adventure. A bit of this and a bit of that....

So for now it's packing and planning, brushing up my Spanish while also taking on Mongolian, and tying up loose ends here in the USA so that I can be back in my beloved Guanajuato within a month as I move through the wild ride that is my charmed life.

it's nice to be on the move again.

heading east?

After leaving DC to spend the winter months in Colorado, trying to forget the devastating emotions surrounding the failed trip to Africa, I am feeling more like myself again. A bit of hibernation initially, a return to volunteering with several agencies that I used to work with in my life before Mexico, some best friends who feel like family, too much snow, a breakup and recovery followed by some good dates, bad dates, a few silly crushes that went nowhere - these have all brought me back, and I am recharged and ready for the next adventure. Some in my life still admonish me for not finishing the Doctorate but I know I am ready for anything regardless of whether my various qualifications and professional initials after my name include that particular credential. As I pondered my life and my open road of choices, all I could think about is how much I love teaching; how it has always suited me, and how I know it will be the ticket to continuing to travel and experience different cultures and people. I opened myself up to the universe of options - those that I knew of and those that I did not - and readied myself for anything. I totally believe that being grateful for what has already come my way and being totally open to what more may come attracts great adventure and experiences; the proof is in my life already. As I reflected upon this and committed to the faith I have in the power of my intentions manifesting abundance in my life, I felt the excitement of knowing that something great was on its way. I spoke with several friends who each told me they'd been doing some soul searching as well, and it felt like a great weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Literally only 30 minutes later I received a completely unsolicited email from Clarice, asking me if I would be interested in traveling to Mongolia to work as an english teacher to medical professionals. She offered to put me in touch with a friend heading the project, and before I knew it, I was contacted about a placement in Mongolia for the upcoming academic year. Discussion has quickly turned to whether I'd prefer teaching at the School of Nursing in Ulaanbaatar, training nurses in Khovd or teaching in the hospital in Edernet, and next thing I knew my CV was being forwarded to contacts at the Ministry of Health- what ??? WOW. How does such a thing happen so fast? Am I going to Mongolia? We shall see. Apparently meetings will be held through the month of April to finalize placements of incoming teachers, so I won't know for sure for a little while. It sure would be great to make a difference there. in the meantime I must make it back to my beloved Mexico for a sun-filled summer regardless - but moreso if I am headed so far east where I'm told the winter temperatures dip to a bitter and frigid -30F.... yes, that's a NEGATIVE 30F. brrrr.

disbelief

he said i was totally useless and a drag on him, that he never wanted me to go with him anyway. he told me to leave his house and that he wanted to cancel my ticket to africa. i said i thought he must be feeling unwell and that he would change his mind, and he said no, i will not change my mind, get out. i respected his wishes and packed my things and left my childhood home, left my hopes of continuing what i thought was a connection with my dad. i cried. i do wonder if i should have begged for him to forgive me (though for what i don't know), begged him to want me, begged him to love me. i should be able to overlook when he tells me i am useless, they are only words, and they are words which i have heard from him all my life, i should be immune to them by now, i should be able to ignore them, and tell myself he doesn't mean that, he just thinks he is motivating me in some twisted way. but i have become exhausted from doing that repeatedly for so many years, from his expectations that have taught me not to curl my toes under when i am standing in his presence, not to crack my knuckles, not to whistle at night, not to wear birkenstocks or other shoes he does not approve of, that have led me to pursue a virtual alphabet after my name in college degrees, so i can be anything but useless, but even that didn't work; i knew i was indeed useless as i sat ready to walk across the stage to receive my master's degree knowing he hadn't come because it wasn't an important enough accomplishment to warrant his attendance, i cried then too, i cry too much... and i always apologize just to keep the peace, and walk on eggshells afterward, continuing to wonder what is wrong with me that makes him yo-yo from loving me to hating me. so this time i just heeded his request and i left. what saddens me most is that aside from how exciting this trip was to be for me (and i had thought, for him) it represented finally being accepted by him, or i guess that's how i saw it. but as he said as he told me to go, i am totally useless and not wanted. i suppose he left as planned and i wish him a good voyage. i was a fool to invest so much energy and hope into his invitation to accompany him on this trip, and the pain i feel is not about losing the chance to go home with him, but over having lost him. again.

?

may have to cancel the trip. very sad.

headed to Africa!

I just read my last post, written on November 21, 2008. Not long after that entry, I returned to my lovely Guanajuato and had Christmas with dear friends who have become more like family. In the year that followed, I continued to be in love with the lifestyle and the people, and I think I am forever changed; more open, more loving, more me. It was my life, and as it was now normal life I guess I didn't feel the need to blog about it. But now I am returning to being a blogger, this time in order to chronicle my next adventure...

Though some scary experiences led me to announce to my parents 15 years ago that I would never return to West Africa, travel in recent years has made me curious and hungry for more. I remember the fear I felt while there as a child and a young adult, but now after a decade and a half away, I feel an interest in reconnecting. Part of me is terrified, remembering the big guns and those who had no qualms about putting them in our faces, and other close calls, threats of jailings and the ever present concern of kidnappings. But each time I get on the phone with my aunt and chat my hellos, I feel a little twinge, a feeling that it is time to go with my Dad and try not to be afraid, see my family, consider it an adventure instead of being fearful. 15 years away - I guess it's time. I've tried to revive my French with novels, a course on the computer, and conversation meetup dinners. My passport is newly adorned with visas to Benin, Togo, Burkina Faso and Mali. I have had my immunizations and I have an extra memory card and battery for my camera. For 2 months we will be a father-daughter team, and I will reunite with family and visit places that I once saw as a child and other places I have never seen. I mostly look forward to the Voodoo Feast in January - this religion originated from my father's country, Benin. And this annual festival is a great opportunity to learn, watch ceremonies, and discuss Voodoo with the priests and those who study this important part of the Benin cuture. So, welcome back to my blog, this way I can take you with me on this next adventure...

i'm back to blogging...

wow. A full 6 months, no posts. Sorry to all of you who have written and asked where I disappeared to..... Each time you asked me, I promised to write updates, but then I didn't.

I think I sort of HAD to disappear. Weird. I set up this blog to have a place to put down my thoughts, and to invite friends to peek into my world, but somehow I just couldn't get on the ball. Some days I would write my experiences in a Word document, thinking I would paste my thoughts into Blogger, and then I would re-read and feel like this was a journal entry that I couldn't post; not because it was really that private, but more because I was just still processing and wasn't ready to share.

Selfish, I know.

So now, on this extended visit to the US (started as what I thought would be a week in the States because of a family emergency, now nearly a month later I am still here) my life is suddenly so different as I am thrown forcefully back into "reality". "You have to come back to reality", my friends in the US would say. Whose reality? Does this mean the life I live each day is not reality if I am not on US soil? "You seem happier, more relaxed," friends noted upon my return visit. Okaaaay, I think, then is my own reality devalued because I am happy? I wonder as I watch the rat race all my friends say they wish they could walk away from. I don't fault them for wanting what they want, and I will continue to see if what I want is in the place I am looking in as well. There is no shortage of curiosity over my lifestyle in Mexico. As I reunite with the folks in the US, and as I tell stories of life in Guanajuato and field the common question "why didn't you put that in your blog?" I wonder, why didn't I? Somehow I guess I had to have these last 6 months for myself, to get myself solid again. But now I am back on the blogging circuit, and I will fill you in:

I headed back to Mexico in mid May.



The flight attendant knew of my excitement to get back to Mexico, and pointed out the moment we crossed the border.

I felt like I was returning home and was instantly ecstatic as I wandered the town, reminiscing from the winter before, relishing in the uniqueness of my new home. The town is nestled a bowl surrounded by mountains, and the motor traffic travels through tunnels that once routed a river. There is no other place like this.

When I first got to town I shared an apartment in the center of Guanajuato near the University.

The beautiful University of Guanajuato

I had a teeny tiny puppy for about a minute. Really teeny - in this photo she is sleeping in my shoe! A friend found her abandoned outside of Mexico City. After a short while with her, knowing we couldn't keep her, Christina found a nice person to take her in. I miss that cutie!

I was bitten by some sort of particularly bad poisonous spider, sometime in my sleep... and ended up with a nasty abscess. The weird thing is it got me in exactly the same spot my friend Eric was bitten last winter. I got to see the hospital health care system first hand.


My apartment-mate moved in with her boyfriend and I moved from my apartment to a hostel with a lovely rooftop patio and a perfect location in the Centro. I lived there for a month while searching for just the right apartment.

I changed my original plans of spending all summer in Quintana Roo to that of just a week - exploring Cancun area and Tulum -- Tulum is truly magical. I ended up spending wonderful a week there with some friends visiting from the States.

and a week in Oaxaca visiting an old friend.

It was the Galagetza in Oaxaca, which meant there were demonstrations in art forms - the people's way of stating their frustrations with government - but with art, music, dance, crafts.... This made for wonderful shows, but a bit of a sense of danger as well, with people all too aware of the oppression and near police state that still lingered after the small war there in 2006.

I returned to Guanajuato and moved into an upstairs apartment in a very cool house on the side of one of the smaller mountains, close to the center of town, in a quaint neighborhood.

The view from my living room window is amazing.

All this time I continued to attend my language school. It's so pretty and the teachers are so great, it doesn't feel like school at all.

And I continue to work on my internet classes through my University back in the States. Ahhh I found a happy medium!

A little about the life in Guanajuato, for those of you who have been wondering...

Each morning I get up and head outside to turn on the water heater - an hour later I will be able to take a hot shower. (In the summer I didn't bother with this, and just took cold ones). That sentiment surprises my friends in the States who just turn the tap and have hot water, and the comment I always get is "I couldn't deal with that! There's no time to sit around for an hour waiting for hot water!" But it's all about how you value and use time. Instead of thinking of it as waiting, I will use that time to do things I want to do - make some tea and listen to music, and study my verb tenses, or check email, or dance a little in the living room, or read, or take a walk, or sit with the cat who hangs out in my alley, or write a little, or clean, or meditate, or study..... it's ok!

That's is my water heater. It's definitely seen better days, and I just hope it keeps working...

I'll then head to school down the winding cobblestone alleys lined by colorful houses, a downward trek to town and then upward again and out of the Centro.

After a full 6 hours of grammar, conversation, writing, culture classes, and general good fun learning Spanish, I head back towards the Centro and never make it far before running into friends. The town is so small that I don't go ten minutes without finding people to greet and chat with. What I love is that people take the time to stop and share a hug and a kiss in their greeting, and truly care about the answer when they ask how you are.

For those of you living the luxurious life I once took for granted in "gringolandia" (haha sorry), here is a peek into everyday life at my new home. One cannot drink the water, so garaphones of water can be purchased down at the corner store, or by roving water salesmen.

I can't carry that garaphone up the mountain to my house, so I listen for the guys in the morning, opting for the salesmen rather than the corner stores. Very early, starting around 7am you can hear them shouting "AAAGUAAAAAAA CIEEEEEL!!!!!"... I perk up, and wait till I can tell he is on my callejon (alley). Then I open my door and ask him for a water, and he heads back down the callejones towards the Centro and in 15 minutes or so returns with a garaphone of drinking water. This water I will use for cooking and drinking and disinfecting my vegetables, and it will last me about a week.

A good friend ended up with amoebas because she didn't disinfect her fruits and veggies before eating them. I am religious about doing this. I add the raw foods to a bowlful of clean drinking water treated with 20 drops of betadine and let the fruits and veggies sit for about 25 minutes. And this bowl of amazing strawberries was worth the wait! Thanks Megan and Marty! (they found a man selling strawberries in a doorway one day and brought these tasties home).

I mentioned earlier that my boiler is outside and I turn it on when I want hot water (in an hour). The gas tanks are kept outside as well, and I get more gas much the same was as my water. The tanks don't have a gauge on them to tell me when I am running out, so pretty much I figure this out when I go to cook and there is no flame, or go to light the boiler and it won't light. When I am out of gas, the next morning I listen for the gas guys, roaming the callejones and yelling "GAAAAAAAAASSS!!!!" and I pop my head out the door and order myself a tank. Half an hour later, the gas guy comes up with the 4 foot tall tank on his back, hooks it up to the line outside the house, and I have gas again for a few months.

Each day when I return home I check above my head for alacranes (scorpions). One evening I returned home to find 2 hanging out next to the window by the door - this was my first encounter with them in my house.... I panicked and stared at them, unable to move, until I realized I had to kill them. Not thinking about the shoes I was already wearing, I went into the bedroom to find a shoe. When I came back, there was only one. Terror set in. I killed the one, and felt so nervous I decided I had to leave the house. As I went to open the door, the missing alacran fell from the ceiling and grazed my hair on its way down to the floor. Adrenaline pumping, I stomped on it about 15 times, yelling and screaming; I had to laugh at myself at my reaction once I got over the fact that that thing was almost in my hair. So now I check the ceilings too. And my shoes. And the bed. And the aforementioned Megan and Marty took a photo of this guy who was hanging out on their bath towel early one morning... I keep imagining the very real possibility of reaching for the towel after washing one's face, only to have a scorpion sting you in the eye. Ugh. Ok, I exaggerate, but it's still a good idea to shake out your towel before your shower...

All of these "issues" are just the way it is. I love it there. I can't wait to get back. The month I have been here in the States I have been missing my town and my friends in mexico, felt the stress creeping back into my head, been cold (Virginia in November brrrr!), and feel downright pained as I see the wasteful lifestyle that was once normal for me. I now see how easy a life I had here, and though I appreciate it, I appreciate the simple things more when I am in Guanajuato and things are, well, simple.

I think of it Mexico as home now. I know I have made some of the best friends of my life there. I feel more myself there. I feel joyful and beautiful there. I am volunteer nurse to my friends and community, and free spirited life learner for myself, dancing and speaking Spanish, hiking mountains and visiting beaches, immersed in art and music, living to live.

(Photo by Michael Wright. Emily, Chris, Joel and I were a jammin' musical team)

So now, I will relish in my time in the US, because for all my missing Mexico, it is indeed a gift to be here with my sister and her family and to be just down the road from my Dad. Though I admit, in the quiet moments, I am dreaming of my return to Guanajuato :

(photo by Heather Sawyer, taken outside the Sala de Minas on Panoramica one particularly early morning)

I'll get back there soon, hopefully within a month, and I will continue to search for a way to keep living in my dream in my lovely town.